please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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