As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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