I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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