everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered