Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours