ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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