Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos