Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
