I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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