True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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