Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
