he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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