i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
