you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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