it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Enjoy the penises
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize