R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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