I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
