You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
sex in a hospital.. check
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
