the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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