I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
