kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
