If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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