She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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