Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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