sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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