It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
