Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
