he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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