I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
