we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All the doctor said was why
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
