I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
