I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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