I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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