I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
