I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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