woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
