i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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