Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
