The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
