4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
