Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
