life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
