Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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