remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
