Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
