were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
