oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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