Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
