i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
