Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
