It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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