We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
