Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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