The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
