Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
