He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
