I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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