We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
