I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
