i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
