I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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