Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
