Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
