i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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