When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
