meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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