I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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