As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
