Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
