no, he came in my armpit
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
