isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
