You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
