this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
