I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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