A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
