she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
