I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your cock deserves a montage
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sext me about skeletons
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
