I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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