Please, let me fuck your mom
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
