operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
