I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
