we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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